Jul 16, 2008

What Is... Election?

Apparently, John McCain has one thing in common with Yours Truly: he was a Jeopardy! champion. I didn't know that when I noted the coincidence of Ahmadinejad gaffes and I wish he paralleled the show not just in errors, but also in getting things right 99% of the time. But I repeat myself... Anyway, when the 43-year old news came out, a friend of mine suggested (or should I say sujested) that
Hillary is kicking herself for not suggesting a winner-take-all J! game between herself, Obama, and McCain

I thought such a game might go something like this:

Hillary: I'll take Fashion for $200, Alex.
Alex Trebek: Ken Starr obtained a bodily-fluid-stained blue dress which had belonged to this woman... Hillary?
Hillary: [expletive] [female canine] [more expletives]
Alex: Sorry, "[expletive] [female canine] [more expletives]" is incorrect. John?
John: [female canine], hee hee. That was an excellent question!
Alex: Sorry, you are not in South Carolina. Behave yourself. Barack?
Barack: Let me say that I respect John McCain's service to this country...
Alex: OK, you said it and your time is up. Hillary, select again.
Hillary: Let's go to Rhymes with "Cheating" for $200, you sexist jerk.
Alex: Give "five" to this banker of S&L infamy... John?
John: I'm gonna break your [expletive] neck, you mother[expletive]...
Alex: I think the judges are signaling this is not quite right...
John: Damn activist judges! I'll appeal to Alito, he'll say I'm right!
Alex: Barack?
Barack: Let me say that I deeply respect John McCain's military record...
Alex: Can we leave that for the interview? Hillary?
Hillary: Thank you. It is obvious that I am so far ahead that I can't lose this game. I can take a nap, wake up and still say who is Charles Kea...
Alex: Sorry, your time is up. But you select again.
Hillary: Let's go to Biblical Prophets for $1000, just to show you how much I value my faith.
John and Barack (shouting at the same time): Meeee tooooo!
Alex: He was "Wright" when he lamented and warned that Bablyonians would conquer Jerusalem... John?
John (singing absently): Bomb bomb bomb, bomb Babylon...
Alex: Not bad for an old guy, but dead wrong. I see Barack is trying to ring in, but Hillary beat him to it.
Hillary: I don't know, I just wanted to say that the next time Babylonians get to Jerusalem, you need me to pick up the phone at 3 AM.
Alex: When I call someone at 3 AM, I don't think of anyone like you. OK, Barack, you gonna say something finally?
Barack: I reject the premise of this question. He wasn't right at all. I mean, who the hell is this Jeremiah to think he can spew such nonsense...
Alex: That is correct! "Who... is... Jeremiah" is correct. That brings you up to $600 and first place. Hillary and John both have negative 1400, and we'll have to say goodbye to them. So you will be alone in Final Jeopardy to deal with this category: Unfortunate Middle Names. Clue in a moment.

No comments: